2015


Something is changing in 2015, I can feel it. My mind's road feels a curve coming along, yet there are no signposts, nothing to tell me when or where. There is just the road. I can only but go along it and hopefully recognise some point of reference as I go.

When I scored two goals in a competitive hockey match for the first time, I wore the number 15. It has been my lucky number and preferred shirt number ever since, it was a sign, it made things happen. I was born on the 15th, it had to be. Now we are in to the fifteenth year of this century, maybe my number is giving signs, the only ones that I have. A sign that change is in the air. This year I have moved house and along with that came two adopted street kittens. I have been operated on my knee - my first serious injury in all the years playing my sport. As I slog through the rehabilitation, I know I will need to work on making some subtle changes to my running style.

Is that change compensation, or to make things better? Equilibrium is what is needed in any case.

Something tells me there is still more in store, something sits in my stomach (Steve the stomach). The road is long, with many a winding turn a song once told me. Another recent Daft Punk tune tells us he's up all night to get lucky. Well maybe I'm up all this fifteenth year of this century to get lucky. I need it.

The Roman philosopher Seneca said that good luck does not exist, it is instead the point where opportunity and being ready meet. So maybe I need to be more ready. Before inquietude rears its head, I need to listen out for that opportunity, it knocks very quietly.

So patiently I listen, but I hear nothing. I am paralised for it, afraid to get up and go to the toilet in case I miss an important part of the film. I haven't even been able to write though I have been back here many times to try.

Am I trying enough or am I trying too much? I just know that if you change nothing, nothing will change.

So I move with the Buffalo on the plains of America. I need to be that Native Indian and follow what I need to do right now. To let your heart run like the Mustangs in the wild. And I need to have faith in it. I put my faith in something unknown. Vinnie Jones told me you have to have the balls to (Change). We are born to change.

Am I looking for change? Maybe. What change am I looking for? What change are we all looking for? There are things I want in life as everyone does, things I need. The Plains Indians followed the buffalo because they needed to eat, to survive but by not wasting one bit of the animal, to thrive. I am certainly looking to write here again to wane this short absence, my writing muscles miss this gym. Maybe after all, I have never searched for many things in my life, but things have found me. The faith is not in the signposts but in the road.

I am on the motorways of my mind. Passing places I don't know, heading for the unknown.

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